I am moving next Sunday. My friends seemed pretty indifferent to the idea. At first I figured that there was a certain amount of disbelief there. After all, I had just come back from vacation and now I am moving. I actually started to think that maybe these people that I had invested my free time in were really not friends at all. I am a little unsure of it still, but people are gradually coming around and saying goodbye.
I was supposed to have a party as a going away thing, but I cancelled it. The reason I gave was the one above. I didn't feel the love I figured I should have, and that hurt and yada yada yada. That reason, to be honest, is not the actual reason.
The real reason is that I don't want to say goodbye.
I am kind of a softy when it comes to stuff like that. Sometimes, late at night, I will be watching a movie with a happy ending and find myself tearing up. It is really not part of my character to be like that, at least in my RL persona. I can be one of two things: A gregarious, joking guy or a complete and utter evil bitch. You get one of the two, no more. For closer friends, there is another, smaller side, but time and loyalty can only bring that out. I didn't want to leave all weepy and sad, letting people see cracks in my armor.
Not that I beleive most of them care.
Or so I say.
So, why is it so hard to say goodbye? It's not like I can't keep in touch with e-mail and MSN, and various other devices, like the telephone. It seems like moving from my home is somehow ending a chapter in my life. Keeping in touch is easy, but something that really becomes hard once you are apart from the people. Life has a way of shifting your priorities. When you are in the same city, it somehow seems easier. When you are gone...harder.
Even though none of my friends read my stuff on JoeUser, I just want to say goodbye to you all.