I generally don't talk about my personal life online much. From experiences here and other places, usually anything mildly homosexual tends to gain a lot of negative press.
Unfortunately, I am gay and this is sort of a gay subject.
So, for all of you that want to read on, but don't like the gay taint to life, pretend i am talking about a girl. I will even purposely be abiguious.
There is this person that I beleived that I liked a lot in the past. For two years I was infatuated to no end. There was a lot of non-commital on their part, and things finally came to head on my 21st birthday. I finally, with no room for error, told the other person how I felt and they were finally forced to say that they weren't ready. Fair enough. The person in question had been in one relationship and it ended tragically. It is hard to find someone that has a lot in common, especially when you are in my situation. I am not exactly a club going trend setter. I am a gamer and a geek.
Regardless, for the next two years we got close, something emotional happened, and we stopped talking. It was a very amusing cycle. We would talk for hours, then something would be said and then we were at odds again. Partly, I suppose, part of it was all my fault. I would get sucked back into the person and my emotions would go haywire.
A good friend of mine would say that the person was stringing me along, since they knew I would always feel something for the other person. Maybe that was right. We went seven months without talking and I got into another relationship that sucked ass.
Now, tonight, as I write this, they are asking me advice about asking someone out.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
anger, I think, though thereis no where to direct it but at myslef for not being good enough.
Saddness, knowing that this great person that I am in sync with will never like me back.
Depressed, since this brings back almost three years of doubt and bad feelings.
Why do I always have to be in the advice game? What makes it thatI can give better advice than someone else? Is it because people just assume that since I am single that I know somethings that they don't? " Look at that miserable guy, he must hold the answer to life."
Is that how it is?
I don't know, only i know that I am extremely sad now...