Sitting in the kitchen on a grey day, I watched one of my best friends play with her four year old son. FOr a slight moment, I felt a little strange, and realized that I wanted one. Only for a short moment. I swear I don't like children all that much, for many reasons. But he was such a smart, well behaved boy that I had to wonder.
" You know, I always knew he would be a boy." my friend told me. I had heard this before, of course. A lot of mothers know the gender of their baby. " I am glad. I would never want to have to raise a girl."
I, of course, asked why. " Are you kidding?!?!" she replied. " Think about our society and how they treat women, especially girls."
Thne it hit me, it was true.
The social structure as we know it has a certain thing against girls. Be it impossible beauty goals or self esteem issues, the girls of the world have it hard. I don't see it day to day because, I beleive, as men, we are blind. We are used to seeing woman as second class citizens, even if we consciencely don't beleive that. Take the media, for instance.
Growing up, woman were supporting rolls in movies and television. Old stereotypes like Edith Bunker or not, Mrs Cunningham or not, Angela from Who's the Boss or not, they still hold true in a lot of ways. In some ways, woman now a days are more hard pressed into certain rolls than ever before.
We have to miles and miles of womans magazines with protray beauty on every page. When is the last time you saw a unattractive woman in a lead roll that wasn't making fun of Drew Carey and calling him a Pig? Where most people say that looks aren't important to them, there is a underlying sense that it isn't true.
Little girls, which is the actual topic, are in the worst position. If clothing from pop stars and designers aren't trying to dress them up like mini hookers, then it is the music and tv that they watch that compound the thought into their heads that they need to meet a ideal, and not a healthy one. Lonely, unattractive girls sit at home on friday night and eat twinkies while the glamourous girl clubs it up and meets mister right. That is the message that gets sent.
We, of course, are a vain society. Who knows better than a gay man besides a straight girl?
I was watching tv after this apiphany and saw a ad for a line of girls dolls that are skanked out. I can remember a time when toys like that weren't allowed to be made, and I'm not that old. Walking through the mall, seeing 12 and 13 year old girls wearing full on make up and jeans so tight you can see the underwear line....what are people thinking?
Girls, especially that age, aren't objects for people to be looking at. They might get 13 and 14 year olds excited, but it could also garner negative, unwanted attention from their male elders.
Recently, in a publication here in my town, there was a call to get rid of private school skirts. The opening argument was that the skirts could be made to go to scandilous heights, and that wasn't right. The girls that were doing this also complained that they were getting unwanted attention from older men on the bus. Then why do it?
Because, I think,they think they have too.
I have a lot of friends that are girls, on both sides of the line of beauty. I am the one they run to when they are alone on Friday night or that mr. right tried something in the car he shouldn't and needs a ride home. The distructive impact on woman to be and dress a certain way is horrible.
No one thinks about what a girl might go through. How maybe, in a effort to get attention, she might start throwing up after dinner and lunch. How she might go with the guy because she has learned that if she is beautiful, she gets the guy, and once the guy has her, she can't let him slipaway because whatever they are going to do is why they are pretty. Isn't that one of the reasons that teenage pregnacy is high?
All I'm saying is that I feel for the girls out there, and glad that I am not in your shoes and stand by you.